maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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