I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
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She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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