Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
