Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
