that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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