she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
