i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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