Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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