john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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