Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
