you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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