I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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