Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
