So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
