he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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