I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
