I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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