You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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