i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So much rum. So many feels.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
