Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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