the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
