I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
