Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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