Your dad touched me again.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
