I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
