Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
