so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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