It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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