That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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