i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
