I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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