no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
