Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?

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(516): View more from New York

then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"

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(530): View more from California

I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.

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(940): View more from Texas

I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast

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(561): View more from Florida

Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed

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(519): View more from Ontario

I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.

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