If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i think im in europe. pls send help
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
