i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
