so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Enjoy the penises
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
