So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
