Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
