I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
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So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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