I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
