I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
