I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
