and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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