so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
