His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize