And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
