Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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