Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
