of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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