oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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