Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
