I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
