I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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