can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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