I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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