Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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