??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
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Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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