So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
