You're completely useless in the revolution.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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