Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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