On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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