How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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