I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
