Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
