Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
