Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
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I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
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When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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