Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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