So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
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I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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