Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
