part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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