My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
