my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
